Of sugar and Fluff
by dRone
Summary: random sillyness featuring the two pilots Heero and Duo (yaoi implied me thinks)
1. Happy Toast

HAPPY TOAST 

"Duo" 

"Yeah?" 

"What's this?" Duo dropped his bubbling, greeny cake mixture and turned to face his room mate "that??" 

"Yes" 

"It's a toaster Heero, you know that!" 

"Oh, yeah I remember, a toaster... What does it do?" 

"You know... It toasts things!" 

"Oh" Heero put the 'toaster' back down on the kitchen counter, and stared at it for a couple of minutes "Duo?" 

"What?" 

"Make it do something!" 

"God, Heero, you're the technological genius, you make it do something!" Heero stood and prodded it a few times, then he picked it up and shook it. Duo sighed and dropped the cake mixture, which was starting to grow legs into the bin, grabbed four pieces of bread from the bread bin, shoved them into the toaster and pressed the button. Heero stood until it popped up, and a childish smirk played across his face, "Do it again!" 

"Heero, it's a toaster, it makes toast, put in bread, press button, out come toast, got it?" 

"It's efficient!" Duo rolled his eyes, and Heero disappeared into the living room. 

After a few undisturbed minutes he began to smell burning, "...Heero, what are you doing?" 

"I'm toasting!" 

"What exactly are you toasting?" 

"Another of Relena's invitations, a valentines day card off her and her, 'I just wrote to say I love you' letter!" 

"Oh...carry on!" The items popped up and Heero caught the flaky paper and positioned them on the table. Then he galloped out of Duo's sight again, his heart sank when he heard his bedroom door slam and watched Heero run back and shove something into the toaster. "What was that?" 

"Nothing!" 

"What did you put in that toaster?" He asked waving a wooden spoon in Heero's face letting the concoction spatter against the walls 

"Just marshmallows!" Duo dropped the spoon, and glanced into the toaster, watching the fluffy delights melt all over the insides, and glared. Then he unplugged the toaster, "BAD SOLDIER, no more toast!!" 

A few minutes later, he smelt something waft in from the vicinity of the living room, "What's that Hee-chan?" 

"Just a little fire" 

"Oh okay" He went back to humming and hitting his runaway microwave meal "WHAT??" 

"Nothing Duo, just dont ever put spandex into a toaster!!!" 

Duo reluctantly shuffled into the room, and saw Heero crouched over the toaster, with various objects scattered around him, all mildly burned and flattened, with exception to his completely melted cd collection, "ARGH, HEERO!" 

"Shush Duo" He pointed to the smoke bellowing out of the appliance "Toasting!" 

Duo ran out of the room and grabbed the phone off the hook "Quatre, Quatre, Thank God! He's gone mad, make him stop, PLEASE!" 

"Duo, thank Allah, need, help, Trowa, microwave...INSANE!" Quatre breathed through the receiver, Duo just threw the phone at the wall, and entered the living room again. 

"Heero, what's that" he gasped pointing at the bulging appliance 

"That is..." He shuffled through a pile of objects, and tapped his head thoughtfully "...Relena!" 

Duo looked at the pile of Relena goop, lining the carpet, "Heero... Have I ever shown you the blender?" 

END 


	2. Post Office

Okay, Duo and Heero not mine *sob* but if they want I'm available! Yeah Relena's not mine either *dance around* 

Characters wildly OOC, dont hurt me! 

This is Phoenix's fault by the way, she's a bad influence and takes me to these places! 

That's it...Warning, nope, read at your own risk! *grin* 

Feedback...err...okay sthogarth@supanet.com I want it if you'll give it! 

_Italics =Heeros internal voice, the one that's been soldier squished!_

__*= Heero's thoughts, and conversation with internal voice 

"=speech 

.=full stop 

,=comma****

****

**Post office in the bowels of hell and to the left**

*Lines, lines, lines, dont people have anything better to do? It's not as though he actually wants anything important, _so why are you here_, huh, shut up internal voice, you know why your here! _Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyy_, hey voice you know why, now shut up, before I... Have to tell you to shut up again, _come on say it, why. Are. You. Here. Wasting. Your. Time?_ you were warned, now, "SHUT UP!" 

"Hey Hee-chan, who you taking too?" 

"..." *_Ooh yeah, good come back you soldier God_ * 

"Okay. Just please stop scaring the old people, they only want their pensions not a heart attack!" 

"Hn" *_Did it again you know, you know your only here cause he asked you to come, go on say it,_ well you already know, and I'm you so I know, so leave me alone, okay! _Roger that psychopath!_ Well as much as I love those little confusing battles with the dumb half of my skull, I much prefer whats going on!* 

Duo the braided baka had managed to wrap his braid around an old dear's shopping trolley, heh, even a Gundam pilot can't avoid the wrath of a manic lady with a very large handbag. Ooh. I winced inwardly as another blow hit him, of course this was between silent laughter induced gasps of air. Maybe I should help? Too good, help later! 

Eventually I had to rescue the reddening baka from her hold, and now I'm bored, bored, bored, of course it's a cool, calculating bored but still we've been here for two hours and all he wants is a stamp. Stupid post offices, stupid damn pensioners dont they know there's a war on? I'll remember to destroy them later! Now, I have to wait, wait, wait, and what's with the dogs, little shop, big dogs, hey I can growl too you know, stupid dog, "GRRRR" 

"Uh Heero?" 

"WHAT, uh, I mean ....!" 

"Didn't know you spoke bulldog" 

"It's an art!" 

"It's also biting your leg!" 

"Hn" _*ow ow, ow, ow, ow!*_ Duo's approach to everything, hit it on the head and it'll go away, (he got that from me!) So great, the stupid dog likes legs, obviously only mine! Uh Oh, so what usually happens when both of your feet leave the floor, yup, BANG, ! "Omae o Koruse!" 

"Heero, it's a dog!" 

"Grr" 

"Bad dog!" Duo amended hitting the dog playfully behind it's ears, earning a hearty wag of it's tail, which managed to repeatedly hit me on the nose. Stupid, damn, small, stupid post offices! 

"Hey, heero, I'm bored!" *Really not surprised!* "Play with me" 

"Hn" 

"Okay, I'll start, I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S" 

"Stamp?" 

"No" 

"Stationary" 

"No" 

"Stupid dogs" 

"Very, very close, actually, I'll have to give it to you, it was really, stupid ugly queen of the world Relena, but I think that you said it better!" He turned away just in time to miss the shudder, and announced "Relena-sama! We missed you, havent seen you for, oh, ten minutes, starting to think that someone had kidnapped you, ripped out your still beating heart, nailed it to your shrine of Heero and kicked you repeatedly in your soft head" I heard a whistful little sigh escape his mouth "Oh well, maybe you can do that tomorrow?" 

She completely ignored him, and my attempts not to love the suggestion, and wrapped her arm around mine. 

"Heero, will you tell him not to be so cruel, I'm only human" 

"NO!" Stupid girl, in a stupid post office, so I did all I could, and fed her to the stupid dog! She made some vile cruncing, squishing noises, ah well, _bye Relena_! 

"That was fun, do it again!" Duo was bouncing up and down like a cheerleader, his braid flapping against his back as he jumped 

"..." *Wish I could!* 

*WHY WILL THIS LINE NOT MOVE???* We inched forward *finally* then we stopped *Kuso!* 

Half an hour later, I was tapping impatiently on the counter, while Duo danced insanely to the radio, he really shouldn't be in one place for more than an hour, he gets a bit, umm, how can I put this, INSANE!!! Oh no, not that song, Duo, please this is no place to strip, ooh, no "Duo stop", mmm, "You know, you were supposed to leave youe hat on!" 

"What?" 

I remind him of the song a little off key, and squeaky, but hey, I barely even talk, give me some credit "You can leave you hat on!" He looked a bit bemused, and then slowly looked down "ARGH!! My clothes!..Full Monty song?" I nodded, he bowed to the old ladies with goofy grins. 

"Hey look" 

"What" 

"Cards!" 

"Oh" 

"Play" 

"..." 

He shuffled, and dealt the cards as we sat down in the middle of the queue, "Play snap!" 

"With playing cards?" He nodded, and slammed the first one down. 

After fifteen unsuccessful games he got bored again and asked me to play fifty card pickup, come on, I'm not stupid, then why am I nodding, no soldier, it's a trick, STOP. Urgh, great I'm not picking them up! "BAKA" Puppy eyes, damn, okay then, I will pick them up. 

"Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, hey wait that clocks going backwards! No fair! So how long have we been here?" The many people waiting shrugged, and Duo sweat dropped, a smile threatened my lips, but I think I won. Still time. I was sat in a cupboard (Long story!) For six weeks and that was nothing compared to this, true I ended up gnawing on my own fingers, but hey, give me cannibalism over this anytime! Where's my self destruct button? Uh, oh yeah I gave it to that old woman battering Duo, heh, should have seen her face! 

I've been with Duo for WAY too long, lost my discipline, no it's this damn place, a stamp, we want a stamp, that's all, just a stamp! Are you all members of OZ, are you sure, cause I can kill you then and we can buy one single damn stamp! 

Ah ha, we win, we got to the front, and the majority of the people are still alive, so there, see still the perfect soldier! Now buy the stamp...come on, put the money on the counter and lets go get, coffee. _Yeah cause you need caffeine!_ Shut up, you sarcastic little me voice, I do need caffeine, and sugar, and alcohol! "DUO, BUY THE STAMP!" 

"Huh, yeah, okay!...umm...you got any money?" 

"MUST SELF DESTRUCT! MUST SELF DESTRUCT!MUST SELF DESTRUCT!MUST SELF DESTRUCT!MUST SELF DESTRUCT!MUST SELF DESTRUCT!MUST SELF DESTRUCT!MUST SELF DESTRUCT!" 

*END* 

Though now I may need to write one with Heero on Caffeine, alcohol and sugar! *grin* 

dRone 

__

__


	3. Crossed wires

Crossed Lines 

"Hello Miss" 

"Good evening... Who is this... Heero?" 

"...Yeah, it's... Heero"_ *idiot girl*_

__"What can I do for you Heero?" 

"Nothing" 

"Then why are you ringing, is there something that you need to say... Something important, you can tell me anything, you know" 

"No, I dont think I have anything to say...because I'm the strong and silent type...yup I'm all look at me, I'm yummy and I drive a Gundam, like that's so special" 

"Heero... Are you feeling alright?" 

"Oh, no, I'm feeling human all of a sudden, shoot me down quickly before I learn how to speak, or feel, or I don't know commit to a full time relationship" 

"Ooh Heero, do you finally want us to be together?" 

"*gag* NO!!!!! I was just saying that I have a wonderful, charming, beautiful, intelligent, strong, handsome, witty, funny, stealthy partner, but noooooo, he... I mean **_I_** have to be the perfect soldier, who told me that anyway...and who paid attention in training anyway, I...uh... Duo went through it with a pocket full of jelly babies and Ranma manga, but H... I had to sit there with my pen, paper and damn pocket protector, sucking up to... Urgh, never want that image again!!!" 

"Heero??? Training was an important part, it's made you an essential and irreplaceable asset to the war, I know I couldnt have survived it without you" 

"Oh, shut up stalker bitch!!!!" 

"HEERO? Dont you love me?" 

"*gagging noises* Sorry, I like braids now! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" 

"But... Heero?" 

From somewhere else in the Duo/Heero household, a phone is picked up 

"Hello?" 

"Heero!!" 

"RELENA?" 

"Heero" 

"DUO" 

"DUO??" (Relena's screech!) 

"ReleNA!" (Duo screechs back) 

"Relena" 

"Heero?" 

"GO AWAY!!" 

The line goes dead! 

"Heero?" 

"Duo!" 

"I forgive you!" 

*GLOMP* 

END 


	4. Trains

lala  
Duo/Heero  
After War life, completely OOC *grins* hopefully in a good way!  
  
Of Sugar and Fluff  
Trains  
  
Heero stepped out of the house and closed the door behind him. Turning around to Duo he stopped dead dropping his keys "Wha, wha, what are you wearing?" The surprised soldier stammered. With a confused expression the braided pilot looked down over his clothes "What? It's typical train wear. Plus we can make people think that we're crazy"  
"I think that they'll believe you" Heero replied looking again at the punk/gypsy/tourist/train spotter wear.  
"At least take the glasses off. They make you look like Lady Une."  
Horrified Duo threw the glasses up in the air, and with lightning speed Heero's gun appeared from his shorts. A high-pitched squawk and a tinkling of glass echoed out and Heero backed into the car whistling innocently. Duo thwapped him upside his head and they set off for the train station.  
As the car pulled out of the drive Duo turned with a raised eyebrow "Where do you keep that gun?"  
With a slight soldierly smile Heero turned and looked seriously into violet eyes "In my shorts"  
Narrowing his eyes the braided pilot shook his head in disbelief "But you wear spandex"  
Grinning again Heero turned back to the road "So where are we going?"  
Shrugging Duo emptied his pockets "Wherever this'll get me."  
Looking at the pile of pennies, buttons, chocolate wrappers and sticky things he chose to ignore he smirked "We're going down the road and to the left?"  
Fishing in Heero's pockets the Deathscythe pilot grinned mischievously. "Ahh. So that's where you keep your gun"  
Staring down at the impish face Heero smiled "If you keep doing that then we're not going anywhere!"   
Flipping his braid over his shoulder Duo prodded his lover in the side "Choo Choo"  
  
They stepped into the train station, Duo grinning at the crowds avoiding him and his multi-coloured clothing, "Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh!" Duo jumped and pointed.  
Blinking rapidly Heero blankly followed the wildly gesturing hand "What?"  
"Look." Duo chirped wide-eyed, again Heero looked around the dark station, through the miserable crowds and overpriced shops to... "Oh God no!"  
Reaching out Duo grabbed the tanned hand and dragged the spandex clad boy to the photo booth.  
"Duo. You don't need stickers!" He was roughly pushed inside the booth "Really."  
Duo ignored the whining voice, dug into the spandex and deposited the money into the slot.  
Grinning the braided boy turned to Heero and went back inside the spandex.  
Later the two emerged ruffled. Duo struck a pose to the people waiting outside as Heero hung his head and blushed slightly. An old woman stuck up two thumbs smiling happily, "Look Doris, two lovely young boys"  
Duo went and removed his stickers from the booth and handed one to the woman. The soldier's eyes widened and he ducked behind a column hiding his head in his hands.  
"Look" Duo said when he found the flushed pilot and pointed to the photo booth, "We're a good influence."  
Eying the rocking booth Heero raised an eyebrow. "What?" Duo questioned, "They liked the picture!"  
  
Finally on a train, leaving the sticker decorated station behind them they took a seat and waited for the train to move.  
Behind them a small child kicked at Heero's seat repeatedly while Duo glared at the older woman in the seat opposite him who played tirelessly on her mobile phone, subjecting the entire train carriage to the shrill beeping.  
Heero rested his head in his hands rubbing at his temples, bump, bump, bump, beep, beep, beep, Duo's fingers joined in with the chorus of annoyance, drumming his fingers on the table in front of them bump, beep, drum, beep.  
Heero turned in his seat and growled down at the child. They stared up at the soldier with wide green eyes, then giggled and punching hard the seat. Heero half raised from his seat when his attention was drawn to the braided pilot flying from his seat towards the phone, "Du…oh?" The phone flew over his head hitting the small child right between the eyes. Heero grinned happily as his lover returned to his seat. "See Hee-chan, this is why trains are fun!"  
Leaning to the side Heero spied two members of security marching towards them, they reached the two and looked sternly down at them. Duo looked to Heero at his side, then to the two pairs of eyes "Err…Oops?"  
  
On the floor outside of the toilet Heero laughed again.   
"Stop it." Duo sulked pulling his arm, listening to the handcuff chink of the rail. Heero looked at the pouting lip and burst out laughing again. The door in front of them swooshed open and the two old women from the photo booth before emerged. Duo waved wildly with his free arm while Heero's face crumpled, once they wandered out of ear shot he stuck out his tongue "Err, ick, yuck."  
Duo raised an eyebrow "What?"  
"Hey, the eyebrow thing is mine, and…bleugh, old and…yeurgh."  
"One day we'll be like that"   
"What, women?"  
Duo laughed and the door swung open again, and any response from the braided boy's lips was lost on the soldier who sat with his mouth open, "Duo, look!"  
"What?"  
"The doors…there like…"  
"Doors?" Duo guessed.  
"No" Heero scorned "Like, like Star Trek doors."  
"Ey, you promised never to mention those days of Trekkieness again, though I bet you would be cute in Spock ears…Hee-chan?"  
Duo looked about for his vanished lover and bit his lower lip, when the doors in front opened slowly to reveal Heero behind them with his chest puffed out, standing in a Superman pose, "Captain to the bridge?"  
"Erm, Heero?"  
The soldier looked to Duo on the floor, "Man down, man down," his head swung to the Guards once again making their journey towards them, "Attack of the Borg!"  
"Yeah, whichever captain you are, stun them with your…. gun stunner thingy."  
Heero reached into his pretend belt and pointed his fingers at the two, "Don't move"  
"Or you'll what, point us to death?" laughed security.  
Heero shook his fingers and made pshu pshu noises while running towards them.  
  
"This was fun!" Duo said looking to Heero next to him.  
The soldier nodded yanking at the handcuff restraining his own hand "What do we do now?"  
Duo's eyes glinted as he smiled wickedly "Choo Choo!"  
  
END


End file.
